whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
