Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
