wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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