why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
