In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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