So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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