is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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