I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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