Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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