If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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