by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
