I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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