break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
