please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
