God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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