So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
