I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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