It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
