i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
