HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
