It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
