Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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