i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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