I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Randomize
