college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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