her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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