Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He felt like a one man threesome
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
