So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
