I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
