you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
