Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Houston, we have a squirter
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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