I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
