Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
