Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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