hell yes lets make some ravioli
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
