Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
