I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
40s are totally the cure
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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