you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
