You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
