I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
