I've blown a few things in my day
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
