Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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