How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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