Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
