Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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