Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
