she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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