Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
