I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
