his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
