Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
