And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
thus making me awesome and them whores
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
